Self-inflicted wounds crying out for help but to who..?
No father, No Mother, No Brother, Yeah they are all living but they cease to exist to me.
So much hurt and anger and pain and resentment towards My 3 Angels for leaving me.
I want to scream out to them and ask them “don’t you see what you’ve done to me? Don’t you care that you’ve left me alone?”
Steady crying out for help but to who..?
Growing up I always had lots of friends and family! Surrounded by Everyone all the time was the greatest feeling ever. But I was envious of the Love everyone shared with one another. I always felt like an outcast. Alone. Filled with so much pain and darkness but in my heart I always knew I would be an inspiration to people. I didn’t know i would have to literally go thru HELL to do it.
For a long time All i had was Gina, and my bestfriend Drena.
Thanksgiving 2004 we cooked and visited family. On
11/27/2004, We went out. I didn’t want to go and neither did Unique(Deena’s gf) but Gina and Drena did. So we drove to Greensboro to a new club. It’s only like 1 hour 30 minutes away.
Everything was going wrong n i wanted to go home.
Drena and Gina were drinking and Everyone who knows Me Knows i hate how people get Mean n crazy when they drink so i was upset with the both of them and ready to leave.
I asked Unique if she wanted Me to drive because she had drove up the highway and I told her if she was tired i would drive but she said No and she wasn’t tired so she would drive,
i guess i should have just said give Me the keys instead of asking but there’s Alot you’ll think of changing once you look back on things if only i had Known then what i Know Now.
We left the club at 1:15am.
Stopped at McDonalds then got on the highway. Unique was driving. I asked her did she want me to drive home since she drove up. She said No!, But We were 20 minutes from home when i woke up trapped in a burning car. I was confused. Thought i was dreaming. Unique was literally black n blue n stiff. Sitting straight up still clenching the steering wheel. Dead…
Drena was dead,Somehow in the spot where I was sitting before the accident, couldn’t understand how i ended up in the passenger seat and how my BESTFRIEND ended up in the back sitting where i once was. Something had come through the window n she was pinned down and her dreads, that were once long, were Now gone. They looked so short, She was so Lifeless, I wanted her To get up and Smile n say it’s OK Teena Bug but she was Dead.
I don’t remember the crash, I don’t even remember falling asleep, I just remember hearing a soft yet EXTREMELY LOUD WHISPER FROM WITHIN calling My Name and that woke Me up to My own personal Hell on Earth, Pure Torture.
Gina looked like she was sleeping. Her head was leaning on the burning window… A smell i’ll Never forget.. And a sound i’ll Never forget.
I punched the windshield til i finally got it to crack then i kicked a hole in it. I was scared to get out. Didn’t want to leave them. I begged them to get up. I Repeatedly yelled at them to please wake up or we’re going to burn to Death. Apart of Me kept saying this Can’t be happening for real! How? Why? What happened? What is going on? But i kept yelling “Y’all please! I made a way for Us to get out! Please y’all.. .we’re going to burn to Death and I said God please i can’t get out by myself then suddenly Gina jumped up n told me to go. She Never opened her eyes, Like she was up yelling at Me telling me I had to go but she Never opened her eyes. She kept saying “Teena you have to go! Get out! You have to go Teena!” i was confused as to how she was up but her eyes gone, I told her to come on n go get help with Me she kept insisting that i had to leave.
So i climbed thru the broken windshield, It was the most awful feeling ever, Hot, melted, sharp, sticky glass cutting against my skin. I climbed through and jumped out.
I was running thru the woods screaming for help. Gina didn’t follow me tho. She walked directly into the fire… Once i saw her apart of the blaze i was Emotionally dead. I dropped to the ground, the fire was taking over my body. A woman i had been begging to help us was just watching, i was giving up,this was so Surreal!
I tried to save them but i couldn’t. I can Never express in words how badly I tried to save them. I didn’t care about myself I kept praying for them n screaming for help but people were just looking at Me burning, Nobody would help Me, Nobody would help them.
I was burning, Burning, and watching them burn to death.
A few men ran down and as i reached my hand out to them they ran away! I was raised to always help people so i couldn’t understand why these people were watching us burn to death and wouldnt even help us. Standing there watching us. Again, i couldn’t cry! I was looking at My bones and the fire taking over my body and i was giving up. As soon as i laid back and said LORD i cant fight anymore so please just Take me now, i heard a voice yelling for Me to roll uphill to him!
My ANGEL Mr. Williams ran down and saved Me… He tried to get them but he couldn’t so he held me… I sat there looking at my bones and watching the car explode with them exploding with it…
I couldn’t cry,
I just kept reaching for them.
I suffer with 53% Third Degree Burns
I spent months in the hospital then rehab learning to walk, talk, eat again. Later i found out Unique was drunk, didn’t know. They have us down as statistics… We were more than that, She made a mistake, a deadly mistake. DRINKING N DRIVING IS DEADLY!!!
I later learned from Unique’s BESTFRIEND that they Often got drunk and drove to different clubs n fell asleep trying to drive home, that Hurt ME and infuriated Me so badly.. If only We hadn’t gone out Why Me when i hate alcohol? Why make the choice to Drink n Drive? Why Not give Me a choice because i wasn’t around her to know her n her friends did this regularly so why did i have to Hurt and Lose so much? Why the One time i decide to go with her did we end up crashing n burning? Soooo Many questions ! Soooo much Pain and Suffering!
There is No such thing as Normal. People can be cruel when others dont look how they Think people should look but i hold my head high and flaunt every scar because i DEFINE BEAUTY and i fought hard to Survive!!! i’ll Never hide!!
Love the LORD!!!
Please do NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!!!
PLEASE DO NOT RIDE WITH A DRUNK DRIVER!!!
BE AWARE OF THE PERSON DRIVING YOU!!!
PRAISE and GIVE THANKS KNOWING OUR LORD WILL NEVER LEAVE NOR FORSAKE YOU!!!
GRACE and MERCY and FAVOR!!!